Why Your Team Sucks 2026: Denver Broncos

Some people are fans of the Denver Broncos. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Denver Broncos. This 2026 Defector NFL team preview is for those in the latter group. Read all the previews so far here.

Your team: Denver Bron—***THE DEFECTOR OFFICE GETS HIT WITH A SUDDEN CATEGORY 12 BLIZZARD, PREVENTING ME FROM WRITING ANYTHING GOOD FOR THE REST OF THIS PREVIEW***

Your 2025 record: 14-3. Only three years removed from Nathaniel Hackett coaching Russell Wilson in the Sunset Boulevard phase of Wilson’s career, your Denver Broncos were the top seed in the AFC. Now, the advent of the 17-game schedule has, in a short amount of time, produced many strange outlier teams that ended their respective seasons with 13-14 wins despite failing the eye test. Eleven of Denver’s victories last season were by one score. I’m not saying they failed the eye test, but that’s mostly because there was too much snow falling for anyone to actually witness you guys being exposed as frauds:

That’s Patriots QB Drake Maye, calling his own number in what was arguably the most forgettable AFC title game of my lifetime. But I’m getting ahead of myself. Let me go back to the regular season for just a moment, where the Broncos blew a game in Indianapolis because they did a leverage on the Colts’ last-second 60-yard field goal attempt. They also blew a seven-point lead in the fourth quarter against the Chargers. Listen, assholes: No one gets to blow a Chargers game except for the Chargers. That’s established law. Get your shit handled.

For their third and final loss of the regular season, the Broncos had their 11-game winning streak busted in Jacksonville. Jags QB Trevor Lawrence scored four TDs in that game, and Trevor Lawrence would be less of a fraud if he were an AI hologram. How can I trust any team that lets that longhair look like a real QB?

But because the AFC is dogshit, the Broncos wrapped up the top seed and playoff bye anyway. And things started off promisingly enough in the divisional round, when they beat Buffalo at home, mostly thanks to Bills QB Josh Allen playing Santa Claus with the ball and to the refs getting flag happy in overtime. Regardless, it was a glorious win.

For five minutes.

Right after that game ended, Broncos head coach Sean Payton announced that his team would be losing the AFC title game to New England because his starting QB had secretly fractured his ankle on the game winning “drive” (two DPI penalties did most of the legwork). If the Broncos were going to make the Super Bowl for the first time in a decade, they were going to have to do so on the back of future underqualified offensive coordinator Jarrett Stidham. “I’m not worried about Stiddy,” Payton told the press in the lead-up to that matchup. He should have been, because Jarrett Stidham can’t play. And who the fuck trusts a guy nicknamed Stiddy? Even a Wahlberg wouldn’t be caught dead trusting someone with that handle.

But then the game got underway and Denver took an early 7-0 lead. Hey man, maybe Stiddy really could pull this off! Or, more accurately, maybe he would have if Payton hadn’t outsmarted himself in trademark fashion on one of the Broncos’ ensuing possessions. Allow me to detail the moment in question, if only to make Denverites shed frozen tears. The Broncos are still up seven when they find themselves facing fourth-and-1 at the Pats’ 14-yard line. A field goal, though conservative, would put them up two scores. That’s no small thing, given that Denver had the second-best defense in the entire league during the regular season. But Payton elected to go for it anyway, to prove that he’s a real man. Oh fuck.

Jumbo formation. No one split out wide. The Broncos have the No. 1 rated O-line by PFF in the entire NFL. Does Payton call a run here to pick up the first with ease? Nope. He decides to get cute at the exact wrong time—how unlike him!—and calls a play-action pass that fools exactly no one. With Jarrett fucking Stidham as his QB. This was the result. Pete Carroll beams with pride.

Stidham would go on to throw the stupidest lateral in history on Denver’s very next possession, leading to an easy Pats touchdown. Broncos K Wil Lutz shanked a 54-yd attempt just before the half, New England took the lead on a field goal of their own in the third, and then…

I love a snow game, provided that the “game” part of it actually takes place. Watching the fourth quarter of this game was like me trying to watch the Spice channel for free back in 1989. These two teams combined for 387 total yards that night. The Pats would go on to get waxed by Seattle in the Super Bowl. Everyone talks about the Bills blowing their shot in a Mahomes-less playoff year. But trust me, you guys blew it even worse. Buffalo still has Josh Allen. You guys have this asshole…

Your coach: Sean Payton, who has no interest in what the haters have to say, unless it’s any day of the week.

Ever since Payton called The Onside Kick Seen Round The World in the Super Bowl all those years ago, he’s fancied himself the smartest man in the stadium, smart enough to even throw his own QB under the bus for getting hurt at the worst possible moment. This is how you end up with Jarrett Stidham running play-action on fourth down with everything on the line. Did Naperville-poleon here put out feelers to professional bad idea Taysom Hill not but a month ago? Hyperlinking to the story about it happening feels redundant at this point.

If you’re a Broncos fan, there’s some measure of hope that Payton won’t out-clever himself for the 17th consecutive season, because the ol’ ball coach has finally relinquished play-calling duties to his offensive coordinator. The OC in question is Davis Webb, who comes straight from the David Blough Memorial Fast Track For White QB2s To Become Head Coaches. Webb replaces fired OC Joe Lombardi, and will himself be fired from calling plays sometime around tomorrow.

Your quarterback: Bo Nix, one of dozens of NFL superstars who are coming back wayyyy too early after getting hurt late last season. The good news is that Nix is merely coming back from an ankle fracture, as opposed to a torn Achilles or ruptured cerebellum. The bad news is that A) Ankle injuries tend to linger, and B) Bo Nix is still Bo Nix. He’s good for staging miracle comebacks against the likes of the New York Giants, but is otherwise permanently middle of the pack in all metrics. He also refuses to throw the ball between the hashmarks, just like Russell Wilson! Oh goody! Pro tip: if you’re still arguing with people over whether or not a QB is legit, you already have your answer.

Should Nix get hurt again, your backup is … still Stidham? Seriously? Why not just plant a bomb under your own team bus while you’re at it? “Stiddy” is still lingering around team HQ because Sean Payton loves having his guys around. That same cronyism applies for Lutz, who remains the Broncos kicker despite missing his first attempt in that AFC title game, and then having his second one blocked. Join us in November when Payton convinces Roman Harper to come out of retirement.

What’s new that sucks: WR Jaylen Waddle. That’s it. I mean it. The Broncos were so quiet this offseason, the Steelers filed a copyright lawsuit against them. All the pieces from last year’s offense remain exactly the same, except that GM George Paton shrewdly yoinked Waddle, a Pro Bowl–level receiving talent, away from a tanking Miami Dolphins to give the Broncos offense the best wideout it’s had since Demaryius Thomas was alive. And all it cost Denver was first- and third-round picks in a talent-scarce 2026 draft. Waddle’s preseason tape alone has ginned up Super Bowl hype for the Broncos, but every other skill player on this offense remains inconsistent, constantly hurt, or both. And what happens when it snows in Denver again? You want me to believe that a former Dolphin will somehow prove to be the cure? I have better odds of becoming pregnant.

Meanwhile, the defense remains formidable even with the free agent loss of DT Jonathan Franklin-Myers and S P.J. Locke. CB Patrick Surtain and LB Nik Bonitto will still perform their All Pro-level duties, so long as Bonnito stops fighting with his own QB on the practice field:

Nik Nicks Nix, Knocks Nix Out. Sorry. Had to be done.

Oh, and I forgot about one other tragic loss for the Denver defense: this charming fellow.

The woman told Parker police that [Broncos OLB Jonathan] Cooper had at one point “grabbed her by the neck with one hand and lifted her off of her feet and up against the wall.”

Pretty nasty shit. How do the Broncos feel about it?

Paton said: “Jonathon’s worked very hard to better himself and it’ll be good to have him in the building, be in meetings and just be a part of the team.”

Sure he did. And today was the day Donald Trump became president. Don’t patronize me, George. I’ve met the Denver Broncos. I know where their priorities lie, and it’s not with the battered women of Colorado. Get fucked, hotshot. In the wake of these allegations, Cooper was banished to the fabled commissioner’s exempt list, where he will linger until everyone has forgotten what a raging asshole he is.

What has always sucked: The Nix discourse makes me want to die. CB Riley Moss sure loves to commit DPI. Broncos fans are even more insufferable when the team is good than when it’s not. Now that weed is legal, we don’t really need the city of Denver anymore. Fuck John Elway with his own horse teeth.

What might not suck: Eh, they’ll probably still win the division. Don’t get too excited about it.

HEAR IT FROM BRONCOS FANS!

Colin:

Walking out of the Bills playoff game—having tasted victory after a thoroughly thrilling affair—I felt weightless: an elation that’s evaded me during a generally difficult stretch of several years; sadness not just for the Broncos but for the country, my family, and so on. 

That feeling lasted until my cousin texted me that Nix was hurt. I just checked my phone to see how long that was. 

57 minutes. Not even one fucking hour.

George:

We were thisssss close to getting our shit wrecked by Seattle in the Super Bowl again. Fuck Sean Payton for not taking the points. 

Ian:

I predict a total of 1.5 drives until the fanbase is consumed by conspiracy theories about whether Payton or not actually is letting Davis Webb call the plays. Let’s get ahead of this now: he isn’t.

Sam:

I talked myself into Jarrett actual fucking Stidham for the AFC Title Game last year. People called Denver ‘Stiddy City’ and wore hats with that phrase on them. We’re all fucking idiots. The lack of oxygen is critical.

Varun:

Turns out being at 5,280 ft above sea level leads to osteoporotic fractures in our QBs generally reserved for old ladies who don’t take vitamin D.

The timing of Bo Ricket’s injury was maybe one of the most awkwardly painful things I’ve endured as a fan, but a major silver lining to the whole ordeal was watching the Josh McDumbass’ Patriots embarrass themselves so bad it negated three of their Super Bowl wins.

Evan:

I’m stuck watching Bo Nix be good but never good enough to carry this team over the hump.

Benji:

I will continue to learn as little as possible about Bo Nix’s personal and political life as long as I can so that I can still root for him. 

Adam:

Bo Nix is closer to Tim Tebow than Peyton Manning.

Mitch:

The worst part of watching the Broncos in recent years has been during every home game, when the broadcast cuts to part-owner Condoleezza Rice hanging out in the owner’s box with the Walton family, and I have to listen to Joe Buck or Tony Romo jack off this “distinguished American hero.” How easily we forget that this soulless climber willingly signed on to work for one of the dumbest and most evil presidents in history so that she could inflict senseless death and destruction upon millions of people thousands of miles away. Oh but the dumbass Browns once tried to make her head coach so isn’t that cute. I can’t wait for 2046 when we can cut to Pete Hegseth and Marco Rubio hanging out with Rob Walton’s desiccated corpse. 

Also motherfuck Bo Nix’s wafer-thin ankles, and fuck everything about Jarrett Stidham 

Roger:

This team could be a Super Bowl contender. Bo Nix’s foot bones, which have the sturdiness of hay, and Sean Payton’s arrogance means they’re going 7-10.

Fuck Stidham and his poor impersonation of a competent NFL QB.

Matt:

Fuck Wal-Mart.

Mike:

There are still fans around Denver who wish they gave Tebow “a real shot.” I rightfully make fun of those people, but I also convinced myself they had a chance with Jarrett Stidham in the AFC Championship. We’re all idiots.

I’m pretty sure every tattoo artist in the state is a Chiefs fan, because every Broncos tattoo I’ve ever seen looks like absolute dogshit.

Sarah:

I was euphoric (and quite drunk) after the game winning kick… and 45 minutes later, when I got a phone notification that Bo Nix had broken his ankle, I screamed so loudly that my husband thought someone had died. I then continued to scream incoherently, while he pleaded with me to be quiet so we wouldn’t get the police called on us. On the bright side, I realized after that night that my relationship with alcohol was becoming unhealthy, and I haven’t binge drank since then!

Byron:

I deserve the inevitable 7-10 regression season that is coming as I crow about us being the most complete roster in the league.

Davis:

I’ve basically become Sean Payton’s Roy Cohn every time I hear something negative about him, which is all the time because he’s such a huge asshole. 

Kyle:

Buyers of TrumpCoin didn’t experience so swift a rug-pull.

I fear we have already witnessed the mountaintop of this Broncos era and it was the 39 minutes between beating a cursed Bills team and getting a dozen “WTF NIX??” texts that I assumed was an elaborate prank.

Eric:

This is the best summer Broncos fans will ever have. As long as the new season never starts, Bo Nix never be proven to be a fraud, the team will be invincible despite all stats proving otherwise, the Chiefs will be defeated forever, and history is over. Our happiness is going to end the moment the season begin and the NFC West buzzsaw we’re running into will destroy our illusions.

By October we’ll be sobbing we didn’t draft a better QB.

Glenn:

Denver fans are just absolutely sure that if Bo played in that last game, the Broncos would have won the Super Bowl. Nothing will change their minds. 

On the positive side Coach Neon beat cancer and losing toes, so we’ll have to hear about him. 

Dillon:

The thirty minutes between the Broncos win over the Bills and getting the news Bo Nix broke his ankle were the happiest moments of Bronco fandom I’ve had since the Super Bowl win ten years ago. Bo breaking his ankle broke me a person more than going to my grandpa’s funeral this year. 

Troy:

Denver as a sports town has all the delusions and narcissism of the megachurch libertarians that developed the Front Range. Bo Nix is as mid as Drew Lock, just with a better roster and coaching staff. Sean Payton is not a genius, but a psychopath with an abusive work ethic. He will ruin Denver’s cap in a quarter of the time that he did in New Orleans, once they pay Bo, extend everyone on their aging o-line, and pay Adam Trautman like Taysom Hill through 2040. The Nuggets are washed. The Avs are chokers. And the Rockies will never turn it around, as much as the Savanah Banana-ass fans that fill that stadium believe they will. You suck Mike Klis.

Ascher:

I turned the TV off and threw the remote across the room when the Broncos went down 19-0 to the Giants and only turned the game back on after getting 2748 texts in the late fourth quarter. I celebrated like I’d watched the whole comeback and told everyone I had (except for my fiancée who had to witness my tantrum).

I have never in my life gone from such a high (extremely drunk) high to a low (extremely drunk) low as I did in the 30 minutes between beating the Bills and finding out our lord and savior, the prince who was promised, Lisan-al-gaib, Bo Nix broke his ankle. Three days before the Patriots game I started talking myself into the (extremely delusional and insane) idea that Bo might actually just play in the game anyway.

Sean Payton is an absolutely unhinged megalomaniac. Seth Wickersham needs to tell his BFF Sean that calling plays is no longer a good idea. Fuck Jarrett Stidham, learn how to take a fucking sack you asshole. Fuck the Patriots for their asterisk-ass Super Bowl trip. Fuck The Ringer for continuing to rank Bo Nix in the mid-twenties in their QB rankings. Fuck the fact that Russell Wilson will never vanish from my television until I’m dead and gone. Fuck me for taking any criticism of Bo more personally than if someone criticizes my own mother.

Fuck all of you, we’re winning the Super Bowl.

Sean:

And SUPER fuck Raheem Moore forever. 

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