Whomst Has Brought The Ass?

On Wednesday morning Minnesota Governor Tim Walz took the bold political step of declaring May 22, 2024 as “WOLVES BACK DAY.” As far as acts of state go, celebrating the Timberwolves’ ascension to the Western Conference Finals is probably more inclusive than “Nordic Ski Opener Day” and less problematic than declaring “police week” in close proximity to the anniversary of a horrific murder of an unarmed man by a cop. A special time indeed in the North Star State! How could it not be? The Wolves face the Mavericks tonight in Game 1, the team’s first trip to the conference finals since 2004, when I was as convinced in the staying power of Kevin Garnett’s team-up with Latrell Sprewell and Sam Cassell as I was in the job security my newfound journalism degree would provide.

It’s not often Minnesotans get to celebrate things like this. Let’s examine the text of the proclamation, shall we?