Local Man Has Far More Opinions On Fast Casual Dining Chains Than You’d Think Possible
The sports media industry is an aviary filled with odd birds, especially when it comes to food. Al Michaels claims he’s never had a vegetable in his life. Mel Kiper supposedly eats a slice of pumpkin pie each morning, and prefers pizza with mashed potatoes in lieu of cheese. At this point, Skip Bayless is more chicken and broccoli than man. The case of Front Office Sports media reporter Ryan Glasspiegel, previously of the New York Post and Clay Travis’s OutKick, is not nearly as finicky, but it’s fascinating nonetheless. I’d be underselling it by saying that this guy has opinions on fast casual dining. It’s as if he saw Newt Gingrich’s old tweet about a McDonald’s snack wrap and chose to turn it into an ethos.
Recall all the thoughts you’ve ever had about Chipotle, and then double them (for an additional $3). You still wouldn’t be in the realm of what we’re dealing with here. Glasspiegel loves to bring up Chipotle, even though it’s unclear whether he actually enjoys the experience of eating it. Based solely on his tweets, the hits do not justify the misses. Twitter has never been a haven for consistently deep thoughts, but Glasspiegel treats the platform as his column on fast casual experiences, combining the wit of Andy Rooney with the appetite of Kevin McCallister.
As someone who grew up in the sticks of New Hampshire, I understand that fast food franchises are sometimes the only option available. Subway and Burger King were formative parts of my childhood. And I can even empathize with this specific proclivity: When I was going to physical therapy for a recent injury, I ate at Chipotle a couple times a week since it was right next door. (None of those dining experiences were memorable in either direction.) But Glasspiegel lives in the Chicago area, and has a vast array of lunch and dinner options. If Chipotle’s fallen off so much in price and quality, why does he continue to eat it so often?
I don’t think it counts as yucking someone’s yum when that someone also seems to perceive it as a yuck. But ultimately—and fortunately—what Ryan eats doesn’t make me shit. So go forth and graze, although it’ll be difficult for me to ignore that any clear-eyed, far-reaching thoughts on the sports media landscape came from the same person who had a sauce mishap that made his tummy hurt.
